


Just Let Me Go (We'll Meet Again Soon)

by Dracomalfoyy



Series: 23 Ways To Say I Love You [11]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Bucky Barnes Feels, Clint Barton Dies, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint Barton-centric, Deaf Clint Barton, Gratuitous Pining, Hurt Clint Barton, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, bucky barnes being feral, but its here and im dealing with it so you deal with it too, but its just for like a minute so calm down, clint barton being chill, i certainly didnt plan it, in my head not actually written lol soz, its 2012, look i can't even explain why this exists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracomalfoyy/pseuds/Dracomalfoyy
Summary: Prompt 11 - things you said when you were drunk(all prompts stolen from eversncenewyork on tumblr)Title from 'Little Talks' by Of Monsters And Men
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Clint Barton, Clint Barton & Avengers Team, Clint Barton & Loki, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Thor, Clint Barton & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Series: 23 Ways To Say I Love You [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1453279
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Just Let Me Go (We'll Meet Again Soon)

The first time he died, he went quietly. 

No one had even known he was hit, because as usual he didn’t want to bother anyone when someone else might need them. And since they were in the middle of what Clint would consider a difficult battle, someone else was definitely more in need than him. So he’d simply sat down and bled out in a damp, glass-littered doorway. Silent and alone. It was a little depressing that no-one noticed his absence but again, they were probably helping someone more in need. Bucky had found him a few minutes after it was too late, when the fight was all wrapped up. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected in terms of a reaction to his death, but Bucky Barnes sitting down next to his body and slitting his throat wasn’t it. 

Then he was awake, and fumbling for his phone to shut off and delete the alarm that he shouldn’t be aware of because he’d just died and watched Bucky die and felt his heart rip straight down the middle. Logic took over his brain, telling him that it was just a very realistic dream, and Clint let it win for once. He rolled out of bed, dragged himself to the kitchen, and draped his half-asleep body over the nearest warm supersoldier. Steve smiled fondly, extracting the lanky archer from his back and pushing him into a chair. A plate of food and a hot mug of coffee found their way over to him and the dream was pushed out of his mind. 

As the day went on, Clint was starting to suspect that he might be a little psychic. Things were happening that he remembered happening even though they hadn’t happened yet. He stepped over the sleeping Tony Stark in the middle of the lounge before he even registered he was there, remembering that he hadn’t before and ended up with a bloody nose before 10am. But Tony slept in random places constantly, and Clint was a victim of multiple concussions. His memory had to be a little compromised. And after living in the tower for this long, he’d probably just adapted to not tripping over the man. 

It wasn’t uncommon to fight the same people two days in a row, because nothing that happened to Clint was common anymore. But he swore that he’d done this exact fight before. He fired off three arrows, dodging a bullet mere seconds before it would have pierced his skin. It took two seconds before the cold realisation set in. In his dream, he knew hadn’t dodged that bullet. In fact, that bullet had killed him. Clint shook it off, putting it down to some messed déjà vu. They finished the battle victoriously, and he spotted his team all convening in the centre of the road to debrief, flanked by incapacitated henchmen. He started jogging over, picking out Natasha and Bucky chatting next to the unconscious leader of the enemy army. 

Maybe he was too distracted by Bucky’s stunning smile in the sunlight. Maybe it was just his luck, but he didn’t see the sole surviving henchman launch a stray pole from some scaffolding at him with disturbing force. While he didn’t see it, he sure as hell felt it as it ripped through his skin, forcing him to his knees. Hands were touching him all over, soft and metal and cold and warm. Nothing else got through the haze of pain. This was probably it for him, no amount of plastic skin could save him from the blood loss and damaged organs. He only wished he’d gotten the chance to stick his tongue down Bucky’s throat before he was gone. 

And then he was, but he wasn’t. 

Because he was dead in the arms of a devastated Thor but he was also watching Bucky reach for the very same henchman that had killed him with cold fury. And he watched him snap his neck without hesitation. And he watched them go down too heavily, Bucky’s head colliding with asphalt so hard he was sure to have a concuss-

Stupid bright flashy alarm. Screaming at him again. Just like yesterday. But yesterday, Clint had definitely deleted the alarm before leaving his bed. He knew that for sure. Clint chuckled as his under-caffeinated brain instantly assumed he was in a time loop or something. 

Wait. 

You’ve got to be fucking kidding. 

Time loop. Awwww nooo. 

Okay Clint. Get it together for once. Figure out what you know. Assuming that his dream was actually the first loop, and the pole death was the second, this was loop number three. Three times confirms the time loop theory according to SHIELD lore. Now to find the rules. Clearly it didn’t reset when Clint died, because he’d remembered what happened after both of his deaths. He saw Bucky attack that guy and go down and hit his head and then boom. Reset. In the first loop he’d woken up when Bucky stupidly slit his throat. So logic brain said that the loop reset when Bucky died for some reason. He filed that away for later. Well done to Clint’s super fast logic brain. 

Surprisingly, SHIELD did actually have a whole class on time loop situations. Clint had taken it, but only to sit in the back and heckle the course leader about how time loops weren’t real. He figured he’d owe that guy an apology now. He might have only been there for fun, but he had taken the lessons on board because while he was pretty sure that time loops weren’t real, he’d secretly hoped they were. He’d finished lesson one, establishing when the loop reset. Lesson two was to test the rules: extreme edition. 

This time, he didn’t go down to the kitchen for breakfast. Instead he snuck around the tower, collecting pill bottles from different rooms. He slipped back into his room, eyeing the stash of pills on his bed. This was probably gonna suck balls. 

“JARVIS, eyes shut.” He requested. 

“Of course, Agent Barton.” The AI replied. 

Clint sighed, carrying the various pill bottles into his bathroom. He figured he probably had a little time after, before his vital signs started to concern the built in AI. When that happened, the team would be notified. It would take them about three minutes to get up to his apartment. Thirty seconds through to his bathroom. Another thirty seconds before they got through his bathroom door and the many locks. It might be enough time, but he’d taken precautions just in case. Time to test the rules. 

A mouthful of pills, half a bottle of vodka, an overflowing bathtub, and a healthy slice to an artery. Precautions. It was easily the worst thing he’d ever done to anyone or himself. The aftermath, if not the entire experience, was gonna be painful, but hopefully he was right. After he died, so would Bucky, and he’d wake up in his bed again for round four. 

Watching Bruce sob his way through compressions was more painful than actually dying. It was even worse once the rest of the team flooded in and took in the scene before them. Natasha cried. That had also hurt. He’d smother her in hugs once he woke up, just to ease his own guilt. Bruce had given up reluctantly. They didn’t even call an ambulance. It was way past too late when they got there. Everything was still for a minute or so, just the noise of the rushing water in the room. 

Then Bucky had rushed in, prayers and curses falling from his lips. He zeroed in on Clint’s body and pushed through everyone else, falling onto him like he was the very thing that kept him alive. 

It was just grief. Grief made people do things they wouldn’t usually do. Bucky didn’t call Clint sweetheart. He didn’t press the lightest of kisses to his nose, and hands, and eyes. He didn’t touch him like he was made of the finest china, like he was precious and golden and new. 

He didn’t pull Clint’s body into his, and bury his face into still damp blonde hair while he broke his own heart with a freshly sharpened knife. 

When he woke up this time, Clint let himself cry into his pillow for a little while. No more intentional deaths. Just any accidental ones that occurred while he tried to stop the loop. Time to start again. 

In loop four, Clint had actually tripped over Tony in the lounge, the sound of his skull splitting on the coffee table waking the mechanic up. He died while Tony panicked over him. Natasha had swiftly taken Bucky out while he tried to kill Tony. Grief-stricken, he blamed Tony for his death in this loop, and Natasha had to crack his skull as well to save Tony’s life. 

Loop five, he deviated from routine and went running with Steve before lunch. He died a hero this time, pushing a teenage boy out the way before a car pinned him to a building. Steve held his hand for the sixty seconds it took him to die. Bucky had thrown himself off the roof that time. 

Loop six, Natasha had hummed a soothing lullaby through tears while he choked on the poison that had been somehow slipped into his coffee. Bucky had swallowed a bullet next to Clint’s body in medbay. 

Loop seven, and Clint was spiralling. There were no clues, no reasoning. Just Clint dying, followed by Bucky dying and back to the start. This time, it was another bullet that took him down. Being shot in the throat was objectively worse than being shot anywhere else. Bucky had wrapped a shock blanket around him, mostly to hide the gore from public eyes, and carried him all the way back to the tower. He was flanked by the rest of the team and a surprising amount of public mourners in a somber procession. Clint was settled in his own bed, covers pulled up over his face, and left. 

The rest of the team gathered in Clint’s kitchen, soon joined by Pepper, Fury and Hill in various states of distress. They drank their way through his huge collection of expensive alcohol, someone slipping into his bedroom every now and then to mourn. Fury had called him son, and ran a hand through his hair. Maria cried silently and quickly, because as much as they pretended to hate each other, they didn’t. 

Eventually, people began to leave. Pepper had to go and prepare a statement for the public, who still hadn’t moved from the tower doors. Fury had to do the same at SHIELD, along with tonnes of paperwork and ordering Clint’s plaque for the wall. Maria attached herself to Natasha, both of them settling in Clint’s guest room so they could be close by. Thor explained that he needed to carry out some ritual back in Asgard, and requested that they waited for his return before the funeral. Tony had silently cried himself to sleep against Steve, who gathered him up in his arms so tightly. Like he was afraid he’d disappear. That was when Bucky started talking. 

And no. Clint was dumb. Clint was very dumb. Because of course. The loop reset when Bucky died. Bucky was part of the loop. He was stuck with Clint in the loop. They were loop-mates. He’d missed a big clue. 

Something between him and Bucky was causing the loop. 

Bucky explained the loop to Steve and Bruce feverishly. He detailed every single death that had happened to both him and Clint. God, how had he missed this? He was supposed to be good at his job! And he hadn’t figured that the reason the loop reset with Bucky’s death was because Bucky was in the loop. It was Bucky’s time loop, and he was just along for the ride. Clint was trying to tie things together in his head, only tuning back into Bucky’s drunken rambling half-heartedly when he heard his own name.

“The whole thing sucks. I hate watching Clint die, and sometimes I’m not even there. I just wanna hold his hand and wake up with him but it’s starting to seem impossible.” Bucky mumbled. 

“If you are in a loop, why haven’t you told him that? It’s not like he’ll remember it the next day.” Bruce asked. 

Bucky sighed into his glass, looking resigned. 

“Because I don’t wanna ruin his final day. He doesn’t love me like I love him and he doesn’t deserve my pining ruining his last hours.”

Idiot. Hot idiot. Clint was moronsexual. He may as well have written across his forehead that he was gone for Bucky Barnes with how obviously he’d been pining. He followed him to the gym and openly stared at his ass. He sent him a card on Valentine’s Day. His phone screensaver was a photo of a sweaty Bucky Barnes. Clint was genuinely impaled to death because he’d seen Bucky smile and couldn’t look away. How much more obvious could he have been!

Natasha had always told him that he was dumb though. Because he did all those things to Bucky but he also flirted with everyone else in sight. He stared at Steve’s ass because who wouldn’t? He sent Bruce a valentines card, and covered an entire wall in photos of Tony from various magazines. 

He may have flirted with everyone but he was only in love with Bucky. Next loop, Clint decided. He’d find Bucky, they’d stop the loop and then confess their love for each other like they were in a fucking Austen story. 

This time, Bucky died in his sleep. Apparently no amount of supersoldier serum stopped you from choking on your own vomit. 

As soon as Clint woke up, he rushed down to Bucky’s floor. Fuck breakfast, fuck coffee. This was important. He hammered at Bucky’s door, desperate to talk to him before they both died. If Bucky knew about the loop too, he might be able to help Clint figure out how to end it. Bucky opened the door, half-dressed but bright-eyed and alert. Before he could even open his mouth, Clint cut him off.

“I gotta know something.” He said “It’s important and kinda weird and I really should have noticed sooner but-“ 

“I’m stupidly in love with you.” Clint froze, his question stuck in his throat because what the fuck Bucky just said that he was in love with him. With Clint. Barton. His middle name was Francis and Bucky was in love with him? This was his time to be smooth and win Bucky over. Find some romantic words Clint. Something beautiful. 

“I was gonna ask about the time loop.” Is what came out of his mouth instead. 

“You know about the time loop?!”

“No no go back to the love thing Barnes.”

“You know about the time loop.”

“You’re in love with me.” 

“You know about the time loop.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“You know about- wait? You’re in love with me?” Clint grinned sheepishly. 

“Just like, a whole lot for a while.” He said, suddenly nervous. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” Bucky breathed, pulling Clint into his room and shoving him towards the bed. Clint sat down, silently mourning the view of Bucky’s abs as he pulled a shirt on. 

“When did you realise?” Bucky asked, arms crossed over his chest.

“The love thing or the loop thing?” Clint asked, picking at the bedsheets under his hands.

“Both? I kinda figured they might be related, since it’s just us that are affected.” Bucky sat down next to him, taking Clint’s fidgeting hands into his. Great, time to talk about feelings apparently. Because Clint was just so good at that. 

“The loop was after the third time I died. The love thing, about two months after you moved in. Thought I was making it obvious and you just weren’t interested.” He mumbled, more uncomfortable than he’d ever been in his life. Vulnerability was gross but emotional vulnerability might just kill him. 

“I knew I was in love with you two weeks after I moved in.” Bucky confessed, red creeping across his cheeks. “You’d just gotten back from that mission in Egypt and the sun had brought out all of your freckles.” He pulled his phone out, flicking through the apps until he got to his photo library. He tapped the screen a couple times, before turning it to Clint. 

He had a folder of photos of Clint, pictures of him all around the world, smiling and sleeping, sneaky photos of him shooting in the early hours. Pictures from news reports and magazine articles as well as some he remembered Nat taking on missions. There were thousands of photos of him all together in a folder that was labelled with the purple heart emoji, followed by the plaster, and the bow and arrow emojis. Clint looked up at Bucky, swallowing quickly.

“The second time I died was because you looked pretty in the sunlight. It distracted me. I was angry that I died before kissing you.” he admitted.

“Well I can rectify that for you right now.” Bucky said, pulling Clint over to him, phone dropped and forgotten. He leaned in, just a breath away-

“I really thought this would go on longer.” Clint whipped around, pulling one of the knives he knew Bucky hid under the bed frame out and launching it towards the voice. Bucky had already fired off two shots from a gun he’d pulled out from somewhere. The knife and bullets simply went through the trickster, burying themselves in the far wall. 

“What the fuck?” Bucky asked, spinning around with his gun still loaded.   
“Calm down Bucky, it’s just champion asshole number one.” Clint said, walking over to the damaged wall to retrieve Bucky’s knife.

“So this is Loki, huh?” Bucky was looking at the god like he knew he could take him in a fight. He’d probably try it if Clint wasn’t there. Clint walked back over to Bucky, huffing at how Bucky had put himself between Clint and Loki. Cute. Tucking the knife into Bucky’s boot, Clint looked up at the man, who was strolling around Bucky’s room curiously. 

“So this was you?” Loki nodded, running a hand along the top of the bookshelf in the corner. He scoffed at the light coat of dust on his fingers, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket to clean them off. 

“Why?” Bucky demanded, still glaring at Loki. 

“I hate pining, it seems so worthless. Plus, this was fun for me. I’ve always wanted to kill you, Barton. Anyway, now that you've stopped pining you’ll stop dying too. You’ve really been creating your own problems.” Loki grinned, disappearing with a wave. Bucky swore, eyes fixed on the spot where the god had been standing. He tucked the gun away slowly. 

“He’s not coming back, y’know? He pops in every year or so to cause trouble and then he fucks off. You get used to it.” Clint gently tugged Bucky’s arm, pulling his focus away from the corner and to him. “And now that he’s gone and this is done, I’d really like it if you finally kissed me.”

Bucky softened, tension draining out of him. He pulled Clint against him, metal hand resting over the archer’s steady pulse. He pressed kisses to his nose, and hands, and eyes. Clint shuddered, leaning into the gentleness he was being treated with. It wasn’t something he felt often, he was tall and strong and capable. People didn’t tend to treat him with care. But maybe watching him be fragile over and over, seeing him die time and time again. Maybe Bucky knew that after all the pain he’d been through, he was craving something soft. Clint was so caught up in his thoughts, he missed the moment Bucky had pressed his lips against his. 

Oh well. They had plenty of time to do it again.

A week later, Clint was woken up to the sight of the entire team in his bedroom. Which had happened before but not for a while. He nudged at Bucky, who handed him his hearing aids. Which was, in hindsight, a massive mistake. As soon as he could hear again, the shouting started. Furious voices overlapping with someone crying in the mix. Clint turned to Bucky, who only shrugged in confusion. 

“One at a time, maybe?” he said wearily. The shouting stopped, Steve stepping forward to take charge. However, Tony got there first. Apparently, Loki had restored everyone’s memories from each loop, meaning they all remembered watching Clint and Bucky die seven times each. Bruce was crying, seemingly traumatised by the third loop Clint death. Steve wanted to do an intervention meeting. Just those words made Clint pull out his hearing aids, throwing them in the general direction of the bedside table and pulling the covers up over his head. Fucking Loki.

**Author's Note:**

> this was so excessive i can only apologise
> 
> clint has a folder full of pics of bucky on his phone, labelled with the ice cube emoji, the bionic arm emoji and the bucket emoji because he thinks he's funny
> 
> anwaysssssss here is my tumblr where i exclusively talk about wandavision these days >>> clintbartonsbitch
> 
> ttylxox


End file.
